I can't believe my mom. Yesterday she actually had the audacity to ask J and I if we've been abusing our daughter. Well, she didn't ask it exactly like that, but the way she asked it totally insinuated it.
Our daughter, S, gets tiny bruises on her legs because she's very active, and she bruises easily just like I do. S is an energetic, spirited little girl. She is also very clumsy. About a month ago, she hit her head really hard on the entertainment center (by accident), and when I asked her if she was alright, she had no idea what I was even talking about. Kids often get bumps and bruises without even realizing it. S is also enrolled in gymnastics, which attributes to her getting bruises every so often. So again, she's a very active little girl, and as a child, she gets bumps and bruises on occasion.
So S went over my mom's house yesterday to stay the night, and J and I ended up going out to dinner. On our way home, my mom called to ask about this necklace she gave S and then casually asked where the bruises on her legs came from. I told her that I had no idea where they specifically came from because she's very active, so they could be from anywhere. They could be from her climbing off of her bed or the couch hands-first like a cat. They could be from her trying to stand on things she's not supposed to. They could be from her falling off said object she wasn't supposed to be standing on. Then my mom told me that S said we "grab her", and my mom asked if we have grabbed her by her legs.
First of all, no, we have never done that. I have admittedly grabbed S by her arms a few times when I've told her to go to time-out and she dashes toward her room, but definitely not in an abusive manner, and I have never, ever grabbed, hit, or done anything to inflict bruises on her legs.
I can't believe my mom would actually accuse us of such a thing. Sometimes I really feel like she thinks S is hers. Whenever S visits, she does all this stuff with her, then makes me feel bad because I don't have the time to do all those types of things with her. I'm a working mom. I work 35 hours a week, and I have to be to work by 5 in the morning. I also have another child to look after. I don't always have time to do as much with S as I'd like to. Not to mention, my mom has a backyard and we don't (ours is all dirt), so I can't exactly take S out to play like my mom can.
Sometimes it's like she tries to make me feel inadequate as a mother. When S went to her house a few days ago, S and my mom went outside and collected twigs and a rock and my mom drew a face on it, and they call it S' pet rock. Well, J caught S trying to flush it down the toilet yesterday, so when my mom called, J told her no more pet rocks. My mom acted so taken back by it and said "Well maybe M should do more with her daughter like I do" - what the hell? It really infuriates me when she says stuff like that. Hi, I have a job (she doesn't). I have a 5 month old child in addition to S. I don't have time to do a bunch of things with S every day. When I get home from work, I'm often very tired. That's not to say I don't try, and sure, maybe I could afford to do more with her than I do now, but lately I've just been so exhausted and am still trying to adjust to life with two kids. It's hard, especially now that I'm back to work, but who is she to judge me? She hasn't had a "real job" since I was a baby and she has no idea what it's like to work with two young children.
My mom and I have sort of an awkward relationship that has been strained for a long time, especially after the birth of S. My mom is supportive and is always there for us, but she has this way of making me feel like a bad person sometimes. I understand that I'm not perfect. Sometimes I mess up. Sometimes I'm a little judgmental of people, and sometimes I'm not very tactful with my words, but I know I'm a good person at heart. My intentions are always pure. I just want the best for my family and for my kids.
It just hurts when my mom says things like that, and I do plan on bringing that up to her today. It's not fair of her to say that I should do as much with S as her because again, I have a busy schedule and don't have as much time on my hands as her. I don't sit at home all day watching TV and playing around on the computer. I don't know what she's trying to prove.
It makes me glad that H is a momma's girl. S has always been very attached to my mom (to the point where I often feel like she prefers her over me), so I'm kind of hoping H will be the complete opposite. Sometimes it just seems like my mom tries to "one up" me, like she has to be S' favorite. For years, it really strained our relationship because during S' birthday and Christmas every year, she would try to outshine us with gifts, and honestly, ever since my mom and stepdad have fallen on hard times, they haven't tried to do that and it's kind of a relief. I'm not saying I'm glad they've fallen on hard times (and luckily my stepdad is working again so everything is getting better), but my mom often made me feel very inadequate when she and my stepdad were making more money. She would say that it's her job as a grandparent to spoil S, but I don't think that gives her the right to try to outdo us with gifts, you know?
It's just been a rocky road when it comes to my relationship with my mother. Not to mention, when I was pregnant with S, my mom was so upset over the fact that J and I weren't married that she actually told me, while I was 8 months pregnant, that she "failed with me" but that there was "still hope" for my brother.
She's such a judgmental person and she acts like she's somehow better than me. She's so quick to throw in her unsolicited two cents about everything. It's gotten to the point where I seriously just want to delete my Facebook and everything she has access to because I'm tired of her leaving me personal comments that the entire world can see. Some of the things she says are really embarassing. Her views on some things are just so skewed and she has become such a recluse since we moved to Arizona 13 years ago that she literally has no friends and has become so socially awkward and weird. Even my brother is really weird because he spends so much time around her and my mom has babied and sheltered him his entire life. He doesn't have a single friend, either. Not one. I worry that my mom's strangeness is going to rub off on S because she spends so much time with my mom.
It's just frustrating. Sometimes I wish we could pick our parents.
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Anyway, the talk of the morning here at work is last night's thunderstorm. It was so loud that it sounded like bombs being dropped, no joke. I got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night because the thunder woke me up and was so loud that I had trouble falling back to sleep. I'm surprised H slept through it.
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