My Kids Are Cuter Than Your Kids.

ABC, Bring Back FlashForward!

Since J and I canceled cable several months ago, we've been watching most of our movies and TV shows on Netflix and Hulu. Most of my favorite shows are over for the season (Desperate Housewives, The Office, Bones, to name a few), so I've been trying to find some new shows to get in to. While browsing Netflix, I came across FlashForward, a show that previously aired on ABC. I read the description and became intrigued, so I watched the first episode and needless to say, I was hooked. I continued watching until I found myself watching all 22 episodes within a week and a half.

Here's Wikipedia's description of the first episode:
The series opens on a seemingly ordinary day, October 6, 2009, which soon becomes extraordinary when at 11:00 a.m. Pacific Time, as everyone in Los Angeles blacks out for two minutes and 17 seconds. It soon becomes apparent the blackouts were worldwide, and were accompanied by a "flashforward" where each person saw what might be his or her life on April 29, 2010, roughly six months into the future. FBI Agent Mark Benford and a team of agents in Los Angeles begin gathering clues as to what might have happened as they struggle to come to terms with their own visions, or in Demetri Noh's case, a lack of one. Meanwhile, Mark's wife Olivia, and daughter Charlie, each have disturbing visions of the future with which they must cope. As the episode closes, FBI Agent Janis Hawk makes a startling discovery: an image from CCTV in Detroit of a man in black, walking through the stadium while everyone around him is unconscious.

The show was addictive, to say the least. I was really disappointed when I found out that the show was canceled after its first season due to low ratings. Really, ABC? You couldn't have moved the show to another night like you have for other shows? What especially sucks is that the season finale left on a cliff-hanger, so now we'll never know what happened to Mark, Demetri, Janis, Lloyd and Olivia, Bryce and Keiko, and everyone else (don't you hate it when that happens?).

FlashForward aired between 2009-2010, which is around the time ABC was airing the 5th season of Lost. I haven't invested too much time looking in to it, but I have to assume that's one of the reasons why FlashForward wasn't as successful as it had the potential to be. At the time, Lost was one of ABC's most popular shows, so I have to believe it outshined FlashForward at that time. It also aired on Thursday nights, and it seems to me like shows that air on Thursday nights tend to have lower ratings than those that air at the beginning of the week.

Here's an example. I love The Office, but every Thursday I would forget to watch it because I got distracted by the fact that the weekend was approaching, so I'd have to end up catching it on Hulu the following day. I can't imagine that I'm the only person who does that, so I have to believe that numerous factors played a role in Flashforward's low ratings, and not that it was a bad show, because it truly wasn't. It was nothing short of an addictive, captivating, and incredible show that was canceled far too soon.

The show had great potential, and ABC pulled the carpet right out from under it. I think, had the show been aired on a Monday night, it would have been very successful. I truly believe that the fact that this show followed Lost and was aired on a Thursday night led to its demise (oddly enough, two of the actors who played in Lost were actually in FlashForward, too). I feel like ABC should try to re-air the first season on a night at the beginning of the week and see how it goes, because I know this is a show most people could get in to.

Another show that ABC botched and later canceled was Ugly Betty. I loooved Ugly Betty and I think it could've turned out a lot better, but you can just tell that ABC was anxious to end the series and rushed the show's final season. It was a pretty big disappointment. I feel like the show could've turned out a lot better than it did had they taken their time, but they, for whatever reason, decided to half-ass it.

ABC really needs to get their act together.

Taking A Moment To Self-Reflect About Motherhood

This is my daughter H. Isn't she a doll? She turned 5 months old a few days ago and I can barely believe that so much time has passed since she's been born. It makes me a little sad that she's going to grow up because I love her just as she is now. I love how much such relies on me and loves me to cuddle and hold her. When J and I decided last May that we were ready to have a second child, I admittedly hoped and prayed that our baby would be a momma's girl. S has always been more of a daddy's girl. She's always been very independent, ever since she was a baby, and whenever I'd try to cuddle her, she'd squirm around or get distracted and would struggle to break free from my arms. She was never much of a cuddler. When it comes to my husband, though, S loves to cuddle, but she is still really squirmy and can't sit still for too long. I love my S, don't get me wrong, but I've always longed for a daughter who is super-close to me, who loves to cuddle and be close to me, and who is really laid-back and mellow.

My wish came true when H was born. She may only be 5 months old, but so far, she's super chill and is perfectly content just sitting on my lap while I watch a movie or read a book. She is quiet, mellow, calm, and cuddly. She is everything I hoped our second child would be. Her personality complements mine so well, and I love her so much. I was honestly terrified to have another child because my biggest fear was that I wouldn't be able to love another child as much as I love S, but as soon as H was born, it was as if I'd known her forever. I felt such a strong connection to her instantly.

Sometimes I feel bad because I realize I'm a little obsessed with H. I don't feel like I love one child more than the other. I love them both so much and try to do everything to ensure their happiness and well-being, but I do see myself unintentionally favoring H over S sometimes. It's not that I love H more, because that's not the case as I love both of them equally, but they are total opposites, and I would be lying if I didn't admit that H is so much easier to manage than S.

S gets in to trouble a lot. She talks back. She does things she isn't supposed to do. She acts incredibly clumsy around H and has come close to hurting her a few times. A couple weeks ago, I turned my back for a moment and S was doing donkey-kicks while H was right next to her in her bouncer. S asks me to get her things while I'm in the middle of nursing H, when she can clearly see that I'm busy. She does gross things like pick her nose, stick her hangs in her mouth or lick her feet, then tries to touch me or H. It's just hard sometimes. I love S, but man. Parenting her hasn't been easy.

Sometimes, I think I hide the fact that raising S has been a challenge because I don't want people to think I'm a bad mom, or like I'm somehow a failure as a parent. S is difficult, I won't lie, especially when she gets bored. My gosh, when she is bored, she is the worst. She gets especially annoying and defiant when she is bored and that's when she tends to get in to the most trouble. Sometimes I feel lost and don't know what to do with her. Sometimes I don't know how to handle certain situations because I don't have any prior experience with babies or children. I don't always know what's normal and what isn't. I don't always know proper discipline techniques. Every moment of raising S has been a learning experience, and I continue to learn and grow every single day.

I think one of the biggest problems for me has been my being overly-lenient, not following through, and not knowing how to handle certain situations. My husband is way better when it comes to discipline because he's so good at remaining calm and maintaining composure, whereas I'm easily frustrated and quick to give up. Lately I've found myself trying harder, though. When I tell S that if she continues to do something that she isn't supposed to do, she's going to go stand in the corner, I follow through with that threat. When I tell her that if she doesn't clean her room I'm going to take one of her toys away, I do. However, I've also been doing her sticker chart with her every night as well, which serves as positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement works wonders, it really does, and I've learned through the years that sometimes it works more effectively than discipline.

So yeah, I still struggle in the area of discipline. I also struggle with maintaining my composure and remaining calm. I get angry and frustrated easily. I yell. I'm working on those things, I truly am. It's just hard because I've been a certain way all of my life and sometimes it's hard to change. I just want to be a good mom. That's the one thing that matters most to me in life. I could care less about having a ton of friends, going out, having a lot of money or nice things, as long as my children are safe, happy, and healthy. Their happiness and well-being means more to me than anything else in the world. When I get frustrated with S, it breaks my heart because the last thing I want is for her to have memories of her mom being irritated with her all the time. I desperately need to change my approach. I need to be more laid back. I need to stop caring so much about some things that in reality, don't matter. I know I'm a good mom, but I just need to learn to relax. I need to stop being so irritated all the time. I need to implement certain changes in my life to be not only a better mom, but a better person in general. I need to start embracing S' personality and find things to do with her that complement her personality. I need to use discipline techniques and positive reinforcement tailored specifically to her. I need to stop caring so much what other people think.

I am just so flawed, and I don't want the world to see this. I'm a good person with a good heart, but I have no control over my emotions and I'm such a wreck in that regard. It's seriously my fatal flaw.

Can I also add that it's such a scary feeling, loving another person more than you love yourself? Not only does that love make you incredibly vulnerable, but it makes you a nervous wreck because you will spend the rest of your life worrying obsessively about that person. In this case, I have three people that I constantly worry about, but my children are definitely who I worry about the most. I spend every moment of every day thinking about them. When S stays the night over my mom's, I worry about her wandering up my mom's stairs, climbing on the rails, and falling. I worry whenever I take my kids anywhere because I worry about getting in to a car accident with them. I worry about H because of how little and fragile she is. I check her multiple times at night to make sure she's still breathing. I am just a nervous, nervous, nervous wreck. I need to learn how to relax. I think if I could, I would be a much happier person and a better and more laid back mom.

Lately I also realized that I've turned away from certain things I love because I'm worried about what other people may think. I hate that I've done this. I need to get back in touch with myself. I feel almost like I need to rediscover who I am and who I want to be, but three things I know for certain: 1) I want to be more calm and reserved, 2) I want to always put my kids first, and 3) I want to be the best mother I can possibly be.

My Mom Can Be So Infuriating.

I can't believe my mom. Yesterday she actually had the audacity to ask J and I if we've been abusing our daughter. Well, she didn't ask it exactly like that, but the way she asked it totally insinuated it.

Our daughter, S, gets tiny bruises on her legs because she's very active, and she bruises easily just like I do. S is an energetic, spirited little girl. She is also very clumsy. About a month ago, she hit her head really hard on the entertainment center (by accident), and when I asked her if she was alright, she had no idea what I was even talking about. Kids often get bumps and bruises without even realizing it. S is also enrolled in gymnastics, which attributes to her getting bruises every so often. So again, she's a very active little girl, and as a child, she gets bumps and bruises on occasion.

So S went over my mom's house yesterday to stay the night, and J and I ended up going out to dinner. On our way home, my mom called to ask about this necklace she gave S and then casually asked where the bruises on her legs came from. I told her that I had no idea where they specifically came from because she's very active, so they could be from anywhere. They could be from her climbing off of her bed or the couch hands-first like a cat. They could be from her trying to stand on things she's not supposed to. They could be from her falling off said object she wasn't supposed to be standing on. Then my mom told me that S said we "grab her", and my mom asked if we have grabbed her by her legs.

First of all, no, we have never done that. I have admittedly grabbed S by her arms a few times when I've told her to go to time-out and she dashes toward her room, but definitely not in an abusive manner, and I have never, ever grabbed, hit, or done anything to inflict bruises on her legs.

I can't believe my mom would actually accuse us of such a thing. Sometimes I really feel like she thinks S is hers. Whenever S visits, she does all this stuff with her, then makes me feel bad because I don't have the time to do all those types of things with her. I'm a working mom. I work 35 hours a week, and I have to be to work by 5 in the morning. I also have another child to look after. I don't always have time to do as much with S as I'd like to. Not to mention, my mom has a backyard and we don't (ours is all dirt), so I can't exactly take S out to play like my mom can.

Sometimes it's like she tries to make me feel inadequate as a mother. When S went to her house a few days ago, S and my mom went outside and collected twigs and a rock and my mom drew a face on it, and they call it S' pet rock. Well, J caught S trying to flush it down the toilet yesterday, so when my mom called, J told her no more pet rocks. My mom acted so taken back by it and said "Well maybe M should do more with her daughter like I do" - what the hell? It really infuriates me when she says stuff like that. Hi, I have a job (she doesn't). I have a 5 month old child in addition to S. I don't have time to do a bunch of things with S every day. When I get home from work, I'm often very tired. That's not to say I don't try, and sure, maybe I could afford to do more with her than I do now, but lately I've just been so exhausted and am still trying to adjust to life with two kids. It's hard, especially now that I'm back to work, but who is she to judge me? She hasn't had a "real job" since I was a baby and she has no idea what it's like to work with two young children.

My mom and I have sort of an awkward relationship that has been strained for a long time, especially after the birth of S. My mom is supportive and is always there for us, but she has this way of making me feel like a bad person sometimes. I understand that I'm not perfect. Sometimes I mess up. Sometimes I'm a little judgmental of people, and sometimes I'm not very tactful with my words, but I know I'm a good person at heart. My intentions are always pure. I just want the best for my family and for my kids.

It just hurts when my mom says things like that, and I do plan on bringing that up to her today. It's not fair of her to say that I should do as much with S as her because again, I have a busy schedule and don't have as much time on my hands as her. I don't sit at home all day watching TV and playing around on the computer. I don't know what she's trying to prove.

It makes me glad that H is a momma's girl. S has always been very attached to my mom (to the point where I often feel like she prefers her over me), so I'm kind of hoping H will be the complete opposite. Sometimes it just seems like my mom tries to "one up" me, like she has to be S' favorite. For years, it really strained our relationship because during S' birthday and Christmas every year, she would try to outshine us with gifts, and honestly, ever since my mom and stepdad have fallen on hard times, they haven't tried to do that and it's kind of a relief. I'm not saying I'm glad they've fallen on hard times (and luckily my stepdad is working again so everything is getting better), but my mom often made me feel very inadequate when she and my stepdad were making more money. She would say that it's her job as a grandparent to spoil S, but I don't think that gives her the right to try to outdo us with gifts, you know?

It's just been a rocky road when it comes to my relationship with my mother. Not to mention, when I was pregnant with S, my mom was so upset over the fact that J and I weren't married that she actually told me, while I was 8 months pregnant, that she "failed with me" but that there was "still hope" for my brother.

She's such a judgmental person and she acts like she's somehow better than me. She's so quick to throw in her unsolicited two cents about everything. It's gotten to the point where I seriously just want to delete my Facebook and everything she has access to because I'm tired of her leaving me personal comments that the entire world can see. Some of the things she says are really embarassing. Her views on some things are just so skewed and she has become such a recluse since we moved to Arizona 13 years ago that she literally has no friends and has become so socially awkward and weird. Even my brother is really weird because he spends so much time around her and my mom has babied and sheltered him his entire life. He doesn't have a single friend, either. Not one. I worry that my mom's strangeness is going to rub off on S because she spends so much time with my mom.

It's just frustrating. Sometimes I wish we could pick our parents.

--

Anyway, the talk of the morning here at work is last night's thunderstorm. It was so loud that it sounded like bombs being dropped, no joke. I got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night because the thunder woke me up and was so loud that I had trouble falling back to sleep. I'm surprised H slept through it.

I'd Like To Fly to Florida So I Can Kick This Woman's Ass

Mom Arrested After Leaving Baby In Hot Car
Posted: 8:36 am EDT July 22, 2011

PENSACOLA, Fla. -- Authorities say a 20-year-old woman left her infant inside a car while she had blood drawn at a Pensacola laboratory.

The 5-month-old was treated at a hospital and released to the Department of Children and Families Thursday afternoon.

Police say Jessica Burnham of Flomaton, Ala., has been charged with child neglect. She was released from Escambia County Jail on a $2,000 bond.

Reports indicate Burnham was told the baby could not enter the lab's blood-drawing area. Police say she then took the child to the car and moved it to a partially shady area.

After about 20 minutes, a witness alerted a lab employee. They checked on the baby, who sweating profusely. Police say the car had been left running, but the air conditioner was blowing hot air.

Source: www.wftv.com

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What the hell?

I can't believe that there are actually people out there who think it's acceptable to leave a child alone in a hot car. Keep in mind, this woman didn't forget her child. She didn't leave her child in the car by accident. She deliberately left her child in the car so she could go inside and have her blood drawn. Thank god the baby was okay.

And I'm just going to say what I'm sure everyone else is probably thinking: anyone stupid enough to purposely leave a child or animal in a hot car needs to have the shit knocked out of them. Who does that? I would honestly like to know what Jessica Burnham of Flomaton, Alabama was thinking. Was her blood test that urgent that she couldn't have rescheduled her appointment? It's a parent's job to protect their child, and it makes me enraged to read stories like this where a parent acts so carelessly.

Such a stupid act should lead to automatic jail time, without bail. I wish we could throw Jessica Burnham in a hot car and let her know how it feels.

The Famine In Somalia

Work was okay today but boring as hell. It was very slow throughout most of the day so I found myself sitting there going stir-crazy. We're not supposed to read books or go online, because the bank wants us to focus more on customers, even though it's been super-slow. I can seriously feel my mind turning to mush when I'm sitting there doing nothing. I snuck online for a little bit to balance my checkbook and read the news because I like to stay informed about what's happening in the world. Today I came across an article on CNN about the famine in Somalia and it really tugged at my heart strings -- and makes me feel disgraceful for complaining about petty things like boredom at work when there are more pressing issues happening in the world.

It's so horrible what is going on in Somalia right now. The U.N. has declared famine in parts of southern Somalia and according to them, it's the worst starvation seen in Africa in 20 years. Thousands of children have died and more than two million children are in need of food. Some children only have days left to live because the conditions are so bad there. In addition to a famine, they also have a terrible drought which is depriving people of clean drinking water.

UNICEF describes the condition of the children as 3 and 4 year olds with bodies the size of 9 month old babies, wrinkled skin, and sunken eyes. Could you imagine living in such a place, without access to food or clean drinking water, and other basic necessities? Those of us who live in the United States are so privileged, and I don't think most people even realize just how fortunate they are. Even those who don't have much, they're still so much better off than millions of others, and that's something to be so thankful for. Americans have become so spoiled.

I made a $30 donation to UNICEF, which my employer will match, so technically I've helped contribute $60 so far, and I will likely donate more. I strongly encourage anyone reading this to drop what you're doing and make a donation to UNICEF as well to help save the starving children in Africa. Please do this. You could truly help save a life. $10 is enough to feed a child in Somalia for 10 days, and many employers have gift matching programs and will match whatever contribution you make. Please click here to make your donation to the U.S. Fund for UNICEF.

It seriously breaks my heart that such horrible things are happening in the world.







We are so blessed and so fortunate to have access to such basic necessities like food, water, and shelter, which are things we take for granted every single day. Seeing these images and reading these stories makes me realize just how lucky we are.

Pay Days Are The Best Days!

J and I got paid today. He was underpaid on his last paycheck due to some timekeeping glitch, so our employer made up for it on today's check. I was able to pay all of our bills with money leftover, so I decided to order our daughter, S, a new car seat. I ordered her a Graco Nautilus, which was recommended to me by a friend of a friend who happens to be a car seat technician. The Graco Nautilus retails for about $179 at Babies R Us but Walmart has them on sale right now for $139 with free shipping, so I ordered it from there. They also have quite a few different options to choose from. I ordered the Graco Nautilus in the style Raya. I love the pattern! I am admittedly a sucker for pink when it comes to little girls, even though I'm making more of an effort to buy gender-neutral stuff for my kids, just in case we decide to have a third child and it turns out being a boy. However, the Nautilus car seat will most likely go to H once she's big enough, so I figured getting something girly would be okay.

Isn't it cute?



Other than that, my tummy is a little upset and I'm not sure if it's from the coffee I'm drinking or from being overly worried about H. She's been sick with a cold all week and has had a stuffy nose, and since babies are strict nose-breathers, that kind of worries me... like, a lot. I'm trying so hard not to think about it, but I can't help it. I love H so much and just don't want anything to happen to her. I especially worry about her because shortly after she was born, she was diagnosed with severe acid reflux. In her case, it's very serious, so we have to give her medication twice a day. Her congestion these past 4 days has been triggering her acid reflux despite her being on medication for it, so I've been a wreck all week, especially now that I'm back to work. I actually stayed home from work on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday so I could take care of her. I was hoping she would be fully recovered by now, but her little cold is just lingering.

Anyway, nothing real exciting is going on other than that. I'm so glad it's Friday and that I have the entire weekend to look forward to.